Image of Time

Sometimes it's a blur...and sometimes it's a crystal clear still frame. Half of the time we are hoping that time speeds up. The other half of the time we are hoping that time stands still. But the kicker is is that time is unchanging. constant. absolute. More or less.
In the midst of writing something tonight, i looked up and noticed that it was nearly 10pm. When did that happen? I have so much to do. In some regards, i have plenty of time to do it. And in others, not so much time.
And then there is timing. Good timing. Bad timing. I'm usually on the bad timing end of the spectrum. But given enough patience, bad timing can be adjusted.
I'll leave you with something (perhaps a lyric in a future song) i wrote once upon a time:

When tomorrow becomes yesterday...

Duality

Duality...Dichotomy...good & bad...yin & yang...
I have a great affinity for the above. Different, yet the same...
You must know one before you can know the other.
From the pesimist's point of view; you must know bad before you know what is good.
From the optimist's point of view; you must know good before you know what is bad.
Or is it the other way around? Ha...duality. Complexity.

You see, I really do find duality fascinating. And because of that, i try to embellish my posts with hints of duality. Meaning that more often than not, a word or phrase will actually have two meanings...or will be directed to two completely different audiences. Sometimes the duality is so subtle that only the author would get it. Other times, the author is a bit more blunt. If you could only see the smirk on my face as i write some of these posts. Metaphorical versus the literal.
Yes, i'm complex like that. But i can be so very simple too. It's fantastical the way my mind works...

Too Much Time

Todd's mind goes into over-active mode when there is...well too much time to think. Over active, over analyzing, over easy...If i could just figure out a way to transfer those thoughts to paper and have it mean something...i mean, really mean something i'd be content. When given too much time to think i tend to force the thoughts, force the words, force the emotions. And in the end, i'm never satisfied with the outcome. It never works out the way it was orchestrated in my head. Sometimes i am surprised by the outcome...sometimes it works out better than imagined. Ahhh...i enjoy those rare moments.
At any rate, i'm going to embark on trip that lends itself to too much time to think. Simply because there isn't much else to do. I could read...that pacifies the mind for some time. Then there is the music. If i could bring the guitar that would help. But i'm too scared to bring it. Scared...is probably not the right word. Nervous...that's a better word. With the right motivation that could change.
There are a lot things i want to take care of here on the home front. The list is long.
Being away, with too much time to think...the mind-killer. No wait. Fear. Fear is the mind-killer.

Draw a Blank

Ha...the last post was classic Todd. I did have a thought, but i lost it. So, well...i left the post blank.

I think i was going to say something like...Sometimes the things you are looking for are right where you left them...

honestly, i had a glimpse through the window of life and had a rather nifty post in my head. Not sure where it went though. But as with most things, it looks better in my head than it does on paper, or coming out of my mouth. I have a unique mind. i just wish you could see what's in there.

Deep Thoughts by Todd

Can't Catch Up

Do you ever get the feeling that you are always running...can't catch up to whatever it is you are trying to chase down? You seem like you are getting closer, but then it gets a little further away. As i was running around, trying to get my computer up and running all i could think about was, i gotta get this thing workin'. Perhaps it's the fighting spirit in me that is driving me to keep at it? I take that approach with just about everything in my life.

I know my studio won't be done tomorrow, or next week, or probably not even next month...but i see the end result in my head. I just want to get there...trust me, you'll like it too.

Oh well, i guess i'll chase the things in my head in my dreams...

The second hand never stops...

I really don't have anything witty or profound to say today. i know, you'll be disappointed. Perhaps if i just ramble here for a moment i'll come up with something...

So, I feel my patience growing thin. Some days are better than others. A secondary feeling is a feeling of the inevitability of mortality. So many things to do and there is the realization that time is short. Then you start to think, how am i going to get all this done? So much to do, so many things to experience. Have you done everything you've wanted to do? I suspect not. There are things that you want to do that you didn't even know you wanted to do. It isn't until that something happens in your life when you realize how much you really want to do something. I realize i'm being vague here, but with a purpose.

I tend to connect feelings with music...go figure. With all this talk of mortality and time...i am reminded of Pink Floyd's Time. Here are the lyrics:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.

The simple complexity is what draws me to Pink Floyd. Words so simple, but complex. Feelings in the written form...simply amazing. I only hope to write something so profound one day...

Since we are only here for a limited time, live life happy. Do what you need to do to make it happy. Will i heed my own advice? Only time will tell...

Ok, so, enough of that. I didn't mean to depress you...sorry.

I should be asleep right now, for i have to get up extra early tomorrow. I'll be visiting Aggieland tomorrow.

I guess i did have something to say tonight...after all, the subtitle of this blog is : personal thoughts and interpretations of a strange mind.

Don't you want to get to know me better? hehe

Slow Friday Night

Nothing is/was going on tonight. I've been extremely lazy. Although i did manage to pay some bills and get my checkbook up to date. I know...boring. Well, there was no Finding Reason rockstar session tonight...greg is out of town. I should've worked through some songs tonight, but just didn't have the motivation. I did think about doing some painting too...but once again, couldn't find the motivation. I hate not having the motivation to do what i want to do.

When the mind is not occupied it tends to find things to do...things to think. Good things, bad things, things of no consequence. You start to play the "what-if" game. Experience tells me that things never go as smoothly in real life as they do in my head. You try not to think, you try to purge the contemplations...but they become stronger and more intense. The contemplations devour your sanity. Then you get to the point where you talk yourself in to giving it a shot, give in to them. It'll work, just as you imagined it. Oh but no, it never works that way. Inevitably something always gets screwed up. The world is in a tailspin. you will recover, but things have changed. And usually not for the better. Things are awkward now. Damn my imagination...

Whoa...then you snap back into reality and wonder where the last 20 minutes had gone...

My brain must be tired...i'm spouting off nonsense now. See what the mind will do when it isn't occupied. Beware of the mind...

What was I Gonna Say...

Yes, i had something in mind to post about earlier today...and now i've lost it. I guess I've got what Erin had...

Ok, i'm shootin' from the hip tonight. So, we're roughly a third of the way through 2007. Time for a check-up. How is 2007 treating you? 2007 has been better than i thought it would be. I think it could be better though...i see a lot of potential for improvement. Things just need to work themselves out...

I really wish i could remember what it was that i was gonna say...hmmm...

Um...Oh, i was relieved that the security procedures haven't changed at work. I was a bit worried that there was going to be a huge traffic jam at the gates this morning, but all was normal. There were no issues getting into work today. I hope it stays that way...

Oh...as luck would have it, while watching Scrubs tonight, i've got another line to ponder. "Nothing worth having comes easy." Is this why life is so hard? I guess all that hard work is for something after all.

Fajitas, Prints, and That's Odd...

Mom and Dad came to visit today. So we grilled up some fajitas! Mmmm...i love fajitas. And while i had an extra set of hands around, my dad and i hung the new prints that i got framed. Well, i think they look better than i thought they would. Still need some additional accent pieces to fill out the blank spaces, but i think i have an idea of what i want to do.

And now on to the "That's Odd" portion of the post. Have you ever watched a movie...that you've seen before...only to pick up on something that you didn't remember seeing before...or even remember paying attention to? Perhaps it's the way you are feeling at the moment or something that is on your mind that triggers you to see something or hear something in a new way, or a way you've not seen or heard before? I won't name the movie i was watching, for it could be used against me later. :) But the following is what i picked up on this time: You don't have to have all the answers right now...you'll find them along the way. I'm not sure what that means for me right now, but i'll ponder that phrase over the next few days. I just found it interesting...

Sometimes it's the little things that get you thinking...

Patience

For those of you that know me, you know that i have a lot of patience. i'm a very laid back kinda guy. It's just the way i roll. How does the old addage go, 'Good things come to those that wait...'? I sure hope that is the case. I could use some good things in my life. So good things...come my way. I await your arrival.

I had actually wanted to develop this post, but the fact of the matter is that my brain shut down about an hour ago and i'm struggling just to type this post.

I find it hard to believe that 4.5 months have passed in 2007 already. Where did the time go? There must be an equation out there that relates the apparent passing of time with the age of a person...and the older a person gets the faster time passes. It sure feels that way to me...i know a bit contradictory to the whole patience thing.

Ok, i'm just babbling now...which i tend to do a lot too...

Hurry up and wait...

Everything Happens For A Reason...

Tonight's theme on Scrubs was "Everything happens for a reason." I heard this quite a few times during my ordeal and never really gave it much thought until tonight. I began to ask myself, does everything happen for a reason? Perhaps! Of course not! or Absolutely! I don't think there is an easy way to answer that question...perhaps it is just rhetorical. I thought about the following phrase: "I never would've ______ if _______." Fill in the blanks...i know you can. This phrase is so repeatable it nearly answers the question with a resounding yes! And because it is so repeatable, it's got to be more than a coincidence. One event that leads to another...and this leads to yet another, and so on... Would the outcome be the same if things were different in the middle...or the beginning? Who knows...there are many routes to get from point A to point B. Obviously the path would be altered in that it is more or less enjoyable, painful, exciting, (insert any adjective here). Just something to think about...

I don't think about the past much anymore...there is no point...you can't change it. You can learn from it though. Although it takes some more time to learn than others. Yeah, i've learned some things. I have changed.

I'm just going to roll with the punches...whatever happens, happens.

So, do you believe everything happens for a reason?

____________________________________________________________________________


Next topic:

Sadly, Texas A&M lost to Memphis tonight and was ousted from the NCAA tournament. I think that A&M lost the game...as opposed to Memphis winning. A&M was not very good tonight and was capable of winning it...but everything happens for a reason...hehehe (sorry, couldn't resist)

Next topic:

So, i decided to listen to the mp3 of the ISS crew wishing me happy birthday today. And it turns out that i do have the entire transmission. For some strange reason, when i listened to it from home, i only got the first 15 or 20 seconds of it. I plan to post the mp3 to the blog here in the next few days. I just need to turn on the desktop and find my passwords to my other website and upload it there. I can then link the mp3 for your listening pleasure. It may take me a few days to get there though...the desktop is mighty slow!